grandma

my grandma was my best friend. she loved me and cuddled me and hugged me more than anyone i can remember. i have absolutely no memory of her ever losing her temper with me or being upset with me. her laugh was one of a kind and now i can only hear it in old home video tapes.

my grandma died at the age of 56 on may 6, 1996 when i was 6 years old.

my aunty alana picked me up from school. i was in first grade. she wasn't supposed to pick me up but i was stoked anyway because i got to play with her new baby, tristan. i was feeding tristan cheerios a few hours later when my grandpa and mom came to the house. i could tell they were both upset. i had never seen my grandpa cry before. they took me outside and sat me on the hammock and i felt the knot start to build in my throat. mom and grandpa were here but where was grandma? i knew what was coming. i have always had a sense of when someone was about to tell me news. my grandma, the most loving person in my life, had died. she was an angel on earth and she left us to go back to heaven.

at the memorial service, i remember having my arms wrapped around my mom's neck as she stood in front of everyone in the church. i had never seen so many sad people in one place. my grandma's smile was on papers in everyone's lap.

i was 6 years old and now i am 20 and there is not a day go by when i look around me knowing that she is watching me. i wish my brother could have met her and felt her love. i think she would absolutely adore my step dad. i wonder how different my life would be if she was still here. she would have held my family together, she always did. i am really hoping that since we are moving back to maui, our family will have get togethers like we used to.