So here I am, starting to use this blog again. Beware: I am going to talk about my feelings. Writing is probably my best form of communication. You may know, I'm a notorious texter, social media stalker, and fast email responder. If you are here reading this, please do not judge. I am not here giving life style advice, cooking tips, "how to's" of relationships because we all know I am no expert in any of these fields but I can guarantee I will bring em up.... I don't know if it will flow or even make sense. Just read or not, it obviously doesn't matter to me. Just please do not shine negative energy my way.
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Today was a shit show. Confession: I cried. Multiple times: in the car blasting Adele (how does she always find the perfect times to trigger the water works?!), on the rocks with nothing but the sound the waves crashing, on the way home blasting "One Sweet Day", and finally, with some good Billy Currington in my ice bath reflecting on the day.
Saturday's biggest lesson came from the least expected. I interacted with someone who I have been wanting to kick in the shin for years. As soon I said her name I realized it was the first time I have ever said her name, smiled at her, or waved at her. The whole interaction was less that 10 seconds and she barely acknowledged me but I brought me a weird sense of peace. I know exactly where my animosity towards this person comes from, but who am I to put that negativity on someone who I don't even know solely based on what other people do and say?
This has been a thought in my head after spending a significant amount of time with my friend's ex. (He wasn't that bad.) Do you ever feel a sense of jealousy, anger, even a smidge of hate towards your current's ex or even your ex's current? Like, what does that person have that I don't? Or, what made he or she love him or her for so long, and what can I do to get that? Comparison will rob you of joy. There is a common factor through it all, that one person. There must be common characteristics between the before, current, or after. Why else would that one person be attracted to both? Yes, there must be SOME difference or else why be with the same if you're not looking for a better outcome. I have a feeling that we might even be friends if that one person was not our commonality. (Why give them that power? Let's be friends.)
There really are only two ways relationships can go: stay together or break up. I do not understand why people freak out so bad when the latter occurs. In all reality, we can have the greatest intentions with the highest hopes, but if the compatibility fails, so be it. Consider yourself saved - divorce sucks. You have the choice to be bitter about it or accept that better things are ahead, for both of you. For me, it is easier to let it go. That is, all except for one. I fought for one. I think we all have that one.... I did not one let go until today. Thanks to her name rolling off my tongue, feelings catching me by surprise, and probably entirely unimportant interaction to her.
That's the interesting thing about paddling, these people don't go away, if anything we get more new ones every year. We get power trips and snap at each other in the boat, someone doesn't make crew, we deserve better, so & so made a poor decision at an after-regatta party, they used to date, did you hear her tone? Did you see the way she looked me?.......... I could go on and on; you're lying if none of these apply to you...... Point is, we are together for the long run. You need to let it go, drop it, or get over it.
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