We met when I was probably 11 or 12 years old. He was just a little older than me. We were never close growing up but he was always been someone I was good with. No weirdness. No awkwardness. No lies. Just good. Comfortable. Easy. In the more recent years, we have gotten closer and our time spent together has given the 'maybe a little more than just friends' vibe.
How many times have you considered dating one of your friends? You are obviously compatible. You get along. You care for this person. Essentially, you love this person. You're lying if you ever say you're not attracted to any one of your friends. I'm not talking in just a physical attraction. You would not be friends or spend time with this person if you were not in some way drawn or attracted to them and their energy. It's only natural to wonder, "Could we be something more than just friends?"
I look at my friends with adoration. I wouldn't be friends with any of my buddies if they didn't have qualities I didn't admire and love.
One of my best friends in high school was very much obviously gay. He was my confidant, my friend, my humor, encouragement and support. One day he told me that he thought he wasn't gay anymore because he thought he was in love with me. Stop. I was like, "Honey, no. That's what it feels like to have such a good friend. That is love. I love you but baby, you're gay." Let's just say we are still friends, he still very much likes dudes and I still love him.
I've thought so many times of how I connect with some of my friends. It's different, it's special. We get along so well, we are compatible, we have chemistry, we have such good fun... Could we be more? The "What If" will get me every - single - freaking - time. (I'm more of the "go for it and figure it out later" kind of girl.) I have lost too many friends because of this thought. I have a different perspective when it comes to things "not working out."
Anyway, we go for it. And surprise, surprise - it doesn't work out. But does that mean that we are no longer friends? Can we not revert back to what we were before? We have gotten to know each other on a whole new level. I now know this person much better than all of my other friends. But romantically, it just does not work. Does that mean that our entire friendship goes into the can? We are going to throw away the friendship and everything that did work because of the ONE aspect of a relationship that didn't?
Right now, I have a 0% romantic success rate. Luckily, I have retained majority of my friends I've tried to date. I miss those who could not go back.
I thought all of this when that song came on the other day... We have known each other since I had more hair on my legs than he did in his armpits. I don't know if I could jeopardize that history and everything we have and how I feel when we are together. I don't want to miss him. I don't want to feel like I cannot count on him, call or text him whenever I want.
So, just friends we will stay and I will still get to spend the rest of my life with him in it.
No comments:
Post a Comment